I hate it! It just keeps getting worse. I'm getting heavier and heavier. I don't like this. It frustrates me. Most especially when I see my old pictures. How I look like before, how I can wear my clothes without hesitation. Grrr! This is my venting out entry about my weight. Haha!
I'm out of control with food. Lately, I have been enjoying the goodness of food. And the joy of what chocolates and ice creams and cakes can give. And this is with zero gym or exercise. I hate the fact also that there's no one else to blame but myself. For not having a control with my urge with fatty foods.
I need to wake up. I need to stop. I need to do something!!!
But I can't find the strength and the will to turn things around. Hubbee loves my weight. He embraces it with so much joy. Will it be a matter of making your partner happy about you or making yourself happy? Tough one. Hubbee enjoys cooking food and preparing nice meals for me. And those food are sometimes served with rice. Will it be a matter of enjoying what your partner prepared or refusing it just for the sake of your diet? Tough one again.
I used to work out at Gold's Gym Alabang during the last hours. I intentionally picked that time so it's not crowded. I hate working out with so many people, and so many gays. Haha! And it worked for me. That was when my schedule at work was still 2:00am. But since a lot of things happened to me at work, and now following an early shift, I'm having a hard time adjusting to it and create a routine at gym.
I feel so helpless but at the same time, I know in my mind that there's something that I can do. I feel so sad when everyone's saying how I gained now. Well, it's just the truth. And how I miss the days when I can just wear anything from my closet. Now, it takes me time to choose which one will be appropriate. Damn! I just really hate the feeling.
Again, thoughts of quick fix are running in my mind like diet pills (expensive), liposuction (very expensive), or getting dengue fever (very very expensive). Haha. Lately, I've been seeing success story of people who lost weight by just running consistently, having a healthy lifestyle and good diet. Waaah! I had that motivation and determination before. Where did it go???
Yeah, sometimes, I silently blame hubbee for loving me so much for what I am because I get so relaxed and care less. But God knows I cannot complain for that. We can't find someone who can easily do that. And so I thank hubbee for loving me so much even though I'm getting heavier. But I just wish he would help me to lose some of it. Haha!
I'll keep pushing. Until I get back my motivation and determination to bet back in shape. Until I get in to this figure...
Just kidding! Haha! Happy wednesday!!!